mia belladonna?

the words aren't right

mon cherie?

no, not quite

my dearest butterfly?

those words could make you sigh

but for your kokoro no keirei

I have no true words to say

so pardon moi, farfalla, I beseach

gomen, darling I have no speach....

she walks in warmth like a dream

moonlight cloaked in velvet sky

beside her all else fades and gleams

a quickened pulse to match my sighs

and sumer's breeze caught in sunbeams

a world of her in mine eye

she speaks in darkness like a dream

enticing me to laugh and cry

))) no worried ya'll happy tears tonite.... yet again I fall so hard!!!! ))))

Realizations of Love

You think that love is all the same

Find it true or play a game

But truth lies in what I'd do

If something were to threaten you

I may long to feel his kiss

And hear secret words on whispering lips

But if he withholds his affection

From you, who truly holds my protection

If he hurts you with the slightest beef

I'll rip out the very heart I love, with my teeth.

And true love goes both ways

Through thick and thin, and darkest days

So even though he could be whats right for me

Its something he'll need to grow to be

I could learn to stake my life upon his back

Gaurd him, as I gaurd you from every attack

But he sees no need to trust me there

And despite potential, such growth is rare

And thus theres one last thing I know

If you love someone, let them go.

Im home alone waiting again
This is what you get from dating men
And hes a rambler and a gambler and a sweet talking ladies man
Calm down, he's coming home, just stick to the plan
But hes as soft as a lion, angry as a kitten
He loves playing games with all the girls who are smitten
But not me, choose me
Out of infinity
Hes got me screamin, inside
But I believe every lie
When he gets home I'll sigh
And buy his alibi
If he just said he loved me of his own volition
Got me like a deer in headlights, Im tired of playin chicken
And Im still here! Pacin in the kitchen!
But I've got my ticket
Out my pocket I slip it
I'm still tempted to rip it!
But this is it, my bags are packed, I'm goin
Forgive this mistake, the grief that I'm sowing
I'm writing my note, it says GOODBYE
I'm catching the train at half past five
Try to catch me before the train arrives!
5:29 I'm standin at the station
I'm all ready to go, but theres a hesitation
You see I dont play games I can't win
But hes my bloody angel covered in sin
I don't want to face it, but when push comes to shove
I just cant escape it, cuz its love
I'm running back home, Im racin, Im zoomin
Sorry I hurt you, please, I'm only human
But the livin room is empty, all the walls are bare
His stuff has vanished from the bed to the stairs
I run around the house but I can't find him anywhere!

Figures

Current thots:
1. "I wish I had a river to skate away on" (Check google if u care... Joni Mitchell lyrics...)
2. Damn I just wasted a perfectly good ticket!

*is confused*

Forever

Woke up in a scream today
Toss and turn
Eyes squeezed shut
Trying to imagine both of you with your arms around me
But my weak imagination falters
Chained down
It can't trap the imagine in my mind
Sticky blood, drip, drip, drip
The stale cold smell of morning
The lingering death
Don't let me wake up
It could all just stop
The heavy base beat heart could cease to pump
Scream bitch scream
Why don't I fight anymore?
These sick and twisted visions
I wont, I won't scream
Stab
Gasp
Scream
SCREAM
Just stop, I'll scream!
I can't hold out long enough to DIE
Two hearts pull me up
Two hearts hold me up
Two hearts I live for
But I'm afraid to let you see me cry
What might you see...
Could I loose your heart?
What does he see in me, what good could be in me?
All I see is the little girl taped down to the floor
Giving in
Screaming
All I see is the little girl hiding in the closet
Useless
Scared
All I see is the little SLUT holding her dead friend
Too late
To save...
Because I was lost in ADDICTION
I don't want to hurt you
I would rather die than hurt you
But I will
For too soon that knife will tempt
You won't be real, a foolish fantasy
How stupid, the little slut dreams of love
DON'T WANT WHAT YOU CAN'T HAVE 
Can't break a promise to someone who doesn't exist, who is too perfect to possibly exist
But I wished for you and him
Here you are, you hold me up
As my darkest day dawns again
Don't let me go!
If I could reach into my pocket and touch a piece of you...
Yes, I can breathe
Why would you want my cold and cracking heart?
Peel away the stone, all there is is blood
Why do you want this mass of wounds?
I'm not worth the time it would take to heal me
But take it!
It's yours!
It's all I have to give the loves of my life!
I would give you anything...
But I all I have left is my battered heart
Please
Then I can reach into my pocket and hang on to you
Give you a tiny piece of me
If I live that night forever
If I watch her die forever
If I am a frightened child forever
Let me too, be with you forever
It is all I have to give
Both of you have my heart
Forever

Complex, complicated, confusing...

I wanna let go,

And you are spinning my mind,

You're still hurt admit it,

We are going nowhere,

Im scared,

You're angry,

We're trapped, alone, together,

And I want two to be enough,

Why is my soul so greedy?

And you feel it too, the missing piece, the burn, the sear, the blood,

The inner screamin,

Why does she scream, don't you wonder,

Wont leave her, won't chase her,

Pick one, I'll go with you, but here in limbo, I breathe my final breath,

I push and push and push on every imperfect soul,

Half for desperate hope and half to forget,

The house she dreamed up, the feel of her hand, the bed we could have slept in,

It is irrational, a spell, a lie,

True love goes both ways and having logically ruled someone out, why can't I run?

"Come," speaks the vampyre in my head,

Why hold me in her spell if I am not her desire?

We were hers if she wanted us!

Irrelevant!

True love, come and break this spell,

Cast on two who should be three,

I love you, I need you, who are you?

The sky ripples pink over your graves
You're all the people I couldn't save
I'd've given my life... now I got so much to live up to
Why am I alive and not you?
I thought you were stronger, wiser, the one who was brave
All the while, I didn't know, I watched you dig your grave
And Libby... I thought she was dead and left behind
Wasn't that the only thing to do, to be kind?
But shes still shaking, hiding in the corner of the closet in my mind
And the enemy's coming, he knows where shes at
I lied about the strength to come back with a metal bat
Goddess, help me, the moment of truth is near
As I try to find a way to fight for all that I hold dear
Onslaught by slings and arrows and only one to help me face my fear

Fear is the mind killer, as I lay me down to sleep
Time to face my demons in the dark and deep

I havent posted something in forever, so heres a new song I just wrote. Goddess I am becoming such a sap....

If I Called Your Name

As I worked up the courage to call your name
The phone clicked
Knowing that you're 100 miles away
Makes me sick
Must've sat in the dark for an hour and a half
I couldn't stand
Then suddenly this melody sprung from me
Unplanned

[Refrain]
It said darling I don't want to say
But my head hurts, baby cant you stay
I can't sleep and I can't make myself eat today
I'm trying hard not to cry
I wanna tell you I'm fine, but it would be a lie
But please dont worry, shiinela kai
Cuz tomorrow I'll hear your voice
When you come home I will rejoice
And for all these tears I'll just wonder why
Cuz if I called your name, I know you'd reply

I was late for work cuz I snoozed the alarm
Ten times
Couldn't get coffee on the road cuz all I gots
Two dimes
I've been staring at this page but I couldn't tell you what
It said
Then unbidden this tune popped right in
My head

[Refrian]

But I dont need to call
I'm safe in the knowledge
And I will wait for you
While your still in college
Sometimes it will be hard
And I'll fall to pieces
But this song is my heart
And I know you'll keep this

[Refrain]

If I called your name I know you'd reply [x2]

Think I might play it at open mic night (I actually wrote guitar chords for the first time in like 3 years) so let me know what u think.

<33
~J

*spoken over music* I know its a lil stormy now, but dont worry love, these clouds are about to break open, cuz a love like this is stronger than anything...

*rapped*

u know these clowns

trying to tear our family down

got me on the ground

where Ive found

I got no sound

but then u catch me up

snatch me up

into ur arms away from harm

make me laugh, be up

and everythings ok

if u just send one look my way

everytime that Im scared

becomes a moment we've shared

so heres my soul bared

cuz in my darkest hour its u

that I wanna hold on to

*sung*

dont worry love, these are tears of joy Im crying

and the only reason Im dizzy is cuz u got me flying

cuz nothing could be wrong in the whole god damn wide world

if u just kiss me and say "I love u girl"

*rapped*

u gave me a home

when I was left out to roam

I found out alone

they took what was my own

but u gave my moonstone

a strength a bond

a ropes length donned

and quartz rose, my heart knows

memories in the pond

every little thing that u do

that ties me to u

fantasies come true

everytime u call me boo

if you only knew

from the depths of my heart its u

that I wanna hold on to

*sung*

dont worry love, these are tears of joy Im crying

and the only reason Im dizzy is cuz u got me flying

cuz nothing could be wrong in the whole god damn  wide world

if u just kiss me and say "I love u girl"

*rapped*

drama got me caught

battles to be fought

Ive been so distraught

thinking its for naught

the years that Ive sought

then out come the lies

and to my suprise

for u I reach hope I beseech

for truth in ur eyes

its u that renews me

while Im lost in ur beauty

word just cant express

this gift with me uve left

thats sheer happiness

all my life its been u

that I wanna hold on to

*sung*

dont worry love, these are tears of joy Im crying

and the only reason Im dizzy is cuz u got me flying

cuz nothing could be wrong in the whole god damn wide world

if u just kiss me and say "I love u girl"

*whispered* so just kiss me aleady... cuz I love u... so everything is just perfect...

unjustifiable hope

left wrist rope

fear I cant cope

widden the scope and see

falsified memory

high treachery

to sever me

from my progeny my blood

the reassemblance of love

cant say who Im thinkin of

for how deep the crime

u crossed a line

touchin a child of mine

Ill b fine but ur days are numbered

but my ways encumbered

hearts slumbered so I play ball

what u want, u may get it all

but believe me ul fall times 3

so I warn u not to play games with me

cuz I will protect my family