December 29, 2006
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Note: this involves shit that went down a LONG time ago. No worries...
I can't see. There are tears in my eyes. Everything else is grey.
Im pulled from beyond time and space into a moment.
Where am I? Im being pulled some place... down a hallway... Who are these people? Where are they taking me? Wait, I know. They are my friends, I guess. They are taking me to the office, to Mr. Foster, the counseleur.
Today I am going to kill myself.
Mr. Foster asks me why. I can't tell him. He'd never understand. No way, absolutely not, it would just make things worse. Things cant get worse. I could... try. Can't hurt.
I try to think of something to say. The closest I can come up with blurts out of my mouth, a mile a minute. "Im always in trouble. I dont even do anything, but Im always in trouble-"
He cuts me off. "I think there is proabably a reason you get in trouble sometimes."
"No, not sometimes. And I don't do anything!" I want to say more, but he looks frustrated, impatient. I pause. They always tell you to tell. From the time I was five I knew I was supposed to tell because my teachers would go on and on about how importatn it is. They never seemed to think that in order for me to tell they might need to stop talking for a few minutes and listen.
"Ok," he sighes. "Give me an example."
This is hard. What is safe? It is all secret, why can't I just spit everything out? But there are no words. "Well..." I begin, grasping for the one safe event. The only witnessed event, even if only by the girl next door. "I got in trouble for just being in the living room. I didn't do anything. If he had told me not to be in there I wouldve gone somewhere else. But I got punished for just bein there-"
"Im sure there was a reason." Cutting me off again, he presses. Obviously I am some dumb teen throwing a hissy fit for attention. Nothing I say would convince him otherwise.
"Whatever."
I say no more. The moment fades. Im tossing and turning in my grave. I wonder Mr. Foster do you think of me? Do you think of how many other mes you let go under your nose? How many lives you could have saved? How many feeble cries for help you ignored? DO YOU HEAR ME NOW THAT I'M HAUNTING YOU?!
Libby Ciafardoni is dead. She was a victim of child abuse. She tried to kill herself. And thank the Goddess that shes out of her misery.
My past is dead and Im leavign her behind... But she still haunts me at night. Does she haunt you?
Comments (7)
very good!
Her soul lives through my poetry
and gasps for air through screams
I see that little girl who once was
take her life in my dreams
Here is a bit of a challenge for you. I want you to finish the rest of this make it your own and complete it.
oh and i screwed up with a typo the second line is supposed to be "and gasps for air through my screams"
hey hun i tryed calling you but you didn't answer so i dont know what happen that night
Hey Jem
I have missed you. How have you been? Any lucky finding miss right for yourself? I sure hope so as you surely deserve it. Hey, guess what--I only get my head shaved once a week now while it is cold. I feel I need a little stubble on my head just to pretend it is warmer but after doing this for a few weeks now I usually cant wait for the one day a week when Terri puts the shaving cream on my head. Any plans yet on doing your grand head shaving thing you do every year? Dont forget the before and after pictures. Are you going as crazy as I am with cold weather and not being able to go barefoot anytime you like? Hate cold weather. I hope school is going super with you. Fill me in on what's happening. My email is still mel91679@yahoo.com Hope to hear from you and take some more beautiful pictures. Short hair and baldness forever so wiggle your toes on that ha ha. Lesbian love to you.
Barefoot Melissa
Hello
I see from your membership in the "Wiccan" blog ring that you have an interest in Wicca. A lot of people think that the spells and beliefs are harmless and beneficial. The Bible has different information: 7 "All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children. 8 But cowards who turn away from me, and unbelievers, and the corrupt, and murderers, and the immoral, and those who practice witchcraft, and idol worshipers, and all liars--their doom is in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur. This is the second death." (Revelation 21:7-8) (NLT) People who practice witchcraft believe their gods are stronger than Jehovah is. Don’t count on that!
Yeah. guys are stupid. no doubt about that.
And ermm...
I totally saw on your comments [not that I read them, it just caught my eye] that there is a Jehovah. Idiots. They piss me off when they crowd your comments with "jesus splurges", judging you before they know you.
i'm georgie mar, by the way. gee for short. i don't think we 'properly' met, at least, as well as you can over internet.
=]
peace.
-g
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