September 9, 2009

• There is a new aspect to my world, that I never could quite put into focus before. Like it was always glinting out of the corner of my eye but I couldn't truly believe it was real. It is real. And by ignoring it, fearing it, disbelieving it, I almost lost it. I wish my life could be made of ice cream and wine and green apple soap (yes Im actually getting a fondness for certain kinds of soap... sometimes... once a week or so) but to live in moments soaking in the bath with my wife, curled up on the couch with my husband, breathing in the scent warm and sweet like jasmine tea and fully intoxicating me. I wish I could take snapshots of these symbols of my freedom and post them in my heart for all the times I get tired and lost and scared. Just to prove they were really there, are here, I can fly again. The world has for once a melody in major and sings "you cant cage her". I put my gender down as "other" and wrote in bigendered, unafraid, unashamed. My brother put his trust in me in truth for perhaps the first time. And my sight in coming back to me to see people in the physical world. All these things that seem unimportant, insignificant, materialistic, they are turning my world! And at this moment I dont feel like I need to fight, it may only last a moment, and never late at night. But I think Im finally getting there and its all because I am whole now and I didnt smother it or run away. Last week it hurt me dearly, but this week it pays. Because I have found the direction Ive been searching for and I will take my soul and wrap it round her like a blanket when she cries and protect him with my very life. I think I finally believe with all my heart. And thus my family's here and will grow and will never be apart!

  *laughing... and for once its a good thing*

  • 8:55 pm
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