October 21, 2006

• Warning: some real life details ahead. The jury is out on whether or not this contains anything worth actually reading or if Im just whining about my life. Sorry if its the later, I try not to do it often...

   

  Dreams, dreams, dreams. Im dreaming about the invisible girl and shes dreaming about starbucks girl. And ****** and ***... and ***** is a cool kid. Why does that bother me? I was gonna tell her something wasnt right anyway... I mean I needed that night, she has no idea how badly, but the next day she didnt call like she said she would. And that was ok cuz I didnt call her either. And then the next day when she did call I didnt answer. My mental excuse is that sci-fi night was starting soon, but I couldve told her that. I needed more time to think. That very fact convinced me that I wasnt in this with enough of my heart. Guess I wasnt the only one. I should be glad, I wont be hurting her. Its werid. Ive been thinking alot about Dala lately. Not Dalamar, but Dala, almost thinking of them as two seperate people. I realize now that I may have had real feelings for Dala where as I always assumed that since mortally Dalamar/Dala was male I must not have had real feelings. But to me Dala was really a girl. And that changes everything. Funny to think I have to get over this all over again. This started cuz of a dream too. I had a dream that I had cancer and only had a short time to live. Fuckin realistic too cuz I went thru all the things I want to do before I die. Made arrangements for Moiraine, cut off my folks, and among other things went looking for Dalamar. Kinna freaked me out, but I dont think the dream was prophetic or anything. I think subconcuiously I really need to have some closure with Dala and thats y I dreamt up a senario where Id have to find Dalamar and find out what happened to her along with it. And so I dream of Dala and invisible girl. I know all the girls around me are wrong for me, somehow, even the one I cant quite put my finger on the problem with (maybe its just the distance? I dunno) and yet I am hating being single more everyday. What to do, what to do, what to do.....

  • 9:40 am
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