July 24, 2013

• I AM

   

  As if knowing yourself could ever be complete

  But I have too long let him define me

  Is it simply that?

  Definition that I have not created?

  Is it the negative pieces of that definition?

  Why can't I breathe?!

   

  You are what you want to be

  Only and completely

  I believe this

  I must, because if not I could be him

   

  Is it possible to want something you are unaware of?

  Sure. 

  But this? 

  To want infinity

  Seems dangerous

   

  But then I argue back

  Of course one must want infinity

  How can you trend toward perfection

  Without wanting it

   

  Sidhartha said that love for the intellectual was impossible

  Because one would always want the infinite

  And anything real would pale in comparison

  And thus break your heart

   

  And I rejected this notion as a read it

  I said that the intellectual could separate the desire for infinity

  From realistic expectations

  I said that true love implied true forgiveness

  That your human love could not be perfect

  But by loving them, you forgive their faults

  Automatically and entirely

  So much so that you must be careful

  To advocate for yourself

   

  I have no more expectation for the infinite than anyone

  But by understanding it, I ask for it less

  And in conclusion 

  I reject the notion

   

  But I do expect a lot from myself

  The perfectionist

  Who knows that perfection is impossible

  To ask less of my love

  But we can both trend to infinity

  With different alephs

   

  There.

  It is so hard to ask for anything

  So easy to believe I have no right

  Any notion that my asking is wrong

  Threatens my fragile balance

  With the mindkiller in my heart

  Constantly whispering

   

  I must advocate for myself

  Maintain my right to ask

  So I fight

   

  Because I AM

  • 10:38 am
  • Comments Off