December 11, 2010
-
You have become the face of my nightmares
And why?
Do I really believe you have the violence in you
That haunts my nights?
Yes, no, did I ever really know you?
The man I married
The simple country boy
So ignorant of the world
Who took me to Walmart as a date
Because that was all you knew
Who grew
Who changed
Who became the quoter of Descartes
The ambitious Architect
Loving my city and my world with me
My protector
The only one I ever truly trusted
Who saw me at my worst
Saved me from myself
Who I hurt and betrayed
And begged forgiveness
And got it
Made me stronger, better, more loyal
Who I supported emotionally, financially
Who I forgave
Who didn't try harder
Who stopped trying
My betrayer
Destroyer of my faith in all and everything
Thief, cheater, liar
Who endangered my child
And I don't understand how this metamorphosis happened
From the only family I ever knew
To the greatest threat my family faces
The mind killer, the tiny death
And I ramble on trying to understand
Trying to see the power you hold over me
The idea you have become
No longer flesh and blood
Lying next to me in bed
But the destruction of my dream
It took me so long to believe
And now you are linked in my heart
To the reasons I didn't believe before
To him
To my attackers
To the violence I survived
And I embark on the most sacred journey of my life
With thoughts of failure sinking in
And you planted them there!
No, he did, but you resurrected them
I need to forgive you to let go
But to forgive you I have to hate you
And to hate you I have to love you
And it is much easier to feel the fear
Than to face the rage in me
The tears, the violence
Of my own creation
It is easier to imagine you stronger than me
As I did when I wanted to feel safe
Than to have the power to fight you
Because then I would have to destroy the face I love
Burn down what I helped to build
I would rather continue to hurt myself
Than to become the slayer
Its forced even now
Another's words fuel me
You were supposed to love me
Now bleed bitch bleed
Why can't I speak for myself?
In anyone else I would aknowledge the right
In anyone else I would see no evil
In raw honest emotion, however angry
But its too close to him
Too close to you
Too close to the violence
That I would rather turn in on me
Than allow to spill out of me
I have no faith in my control
It would burn the world
Let it Burn
Burn you
I am too trained to accept the misfortunes that come my way
Ive forgotten how to rage at them
After all it was calm reaction
That got me where I am
No time to cry over spilt milk
If I could make that all you are
Nothing, less than nothing,
But see, I weseal out of destroying you again
I have become a ghost
Trapped in the beat of other's words
Allowing them to rage for me
But no more
I will haunt you demon
You betrayed the best thing you ever had
And I will never let you forget it
I will whisper in your dreams
I will echo in your screams
You deserve no peace unending
You deserve wrath and fire
You deserve the mind killer
Destroying you slowly and alone
And when you finally do atone
Admit your loss and your lies
I will only terrorize you more
Until the sun rises up
Recent Comments