May 18, 2009

• The rain....
  La Luvia....
  It patters against the pavement in my mind
  The way my heart should escape my throat
  And patter on the walls
  Why does the rain not sing?
  Why do these tears not flow?
  As if this is some false reality... fake... unfeeling...
  Panic stricken I sink into myself
  Proud and fearless I scream out of myself
  Always the band of contradictions
  So brokenhearted, so longing, so lost
  So wrapped in love, so tempered, so found
  Too soon, speaks the doctor, too soon to feel good again
  I dont... do I?
  But I do, so free of memories, addictions, unfaithful lovers
  Free to live again, free to love again, free to fly
  The dream for which I always cried
  Such an evil act set me free
  An act that will always be a part of me
  A part of my soul that cant hold on
  No more! Rhyme begone!
  This verse is free
  Inspired by something new
  Something unseen before
  Something unknown, unheard of, non-existant
  And yet you exist!
  No, speak not those words fool!
  Shall we repeat folly after folly into the broken heart?
  How can a heart that was never whole be broken?
  How can a heart that does not understand
  Does not retain
  Does not BELIEVE
  Love?
  But I do! I have... my own twisted love
  Such need, and passion, desire, longing.... can it be
  Without belief
  Believe he said
  Believe
  Believe

  Believe

  What will it take to believe?
  Faith unknown?
  How can I have faith without proof?
  How can I have proof without faith?
  Funny how easy that question is when it comes to magick
  I feel the Goddess move in me
  There is no Goddess
  "She" is a force of gravity
  The powers that be
  Pulling me into rhyme
  Lending power to my words
  But this shall be no spell
  I intend to embark on a journey so dangerous
  That my life will surely fail
  But my heart, my heart just may be reborn
  And that makes all the difference
  See, I have all that is life except its meaning
  Does anyone have its meaning?
  No, we can not climb to infinity
  But we must dare
  I dare
  I dare

  Fear is the mind killer

  So thank you, Goddess, for this pain
  That wrenches me awake at night
  And has me laugh the day a way
  A soul struck in twain
  For I know the only way to pull myself together
  Was to pull myself apart
  The worst lost
  The only nightmare I had left to dread
  That that dont kill you can only you stronger
  I need you to hurry up now, cuz I cant wait much longer
  I know I got to be right now, cuz I cant get much wronger
  Ive wait my whole life
  Just to know

  Its worse knowing how much I needed it to happen

  There is no angry cry of WHY
  I know
  There is no scream that it wasnt worth it
  It was... I think... I hope
  IT CANT BE

  it is

  I will move on
  I will heal
  Better than before
  Faster?
  Stronger?
  More able?

  to Love

  Will I get another chance?
  Hope

  Hope is the worst of all evils
  It is the best of all evils
  I fight again
  But I neednt be a lone soldier to fight

  Soon I will be complete, I think, I hope
  Ah that hope again
  Silly me
  Over using my white space
  Wanting ever word to be heard above the others
  A thunder storm
  Where lightenings compete for their voice against the sky
  I will sing it to me
  My soul
  I will sing it to me and be whole
  The magick welling up in me
  Time to fly, to be free
  Always, and forever, Blessed Be.

  • 11:27 pm
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